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Little Billy Jokes
Emailed by Michael
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE BILLY ON... MATHS Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father? "That's what I said!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
LITTLE BILLY.... From Data_Dog
Did you know that at the turn of the century in England there were many jokes called "Little Billy Jokes." They involed no cursing or sexual themes at all and all rhymed. For example:
Billy in one of his nice new sashes
Fell into the fire and was burned to ashes
Now, although the room grows chilly,
I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.
(Note about the first line, at the time many English children wore sashes around waists.)
In the U.S. Billy became Willie.
Willie fell down the elevator,
wasn't found 'till six days later.
Then all the neighbors gagged and sniffed,
"Gee whiz! How spoilt that Willie is!"
LITTLE BILLY ON....POLITICS A couple of week ago Little Billy comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?"
Billy's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," Billy says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.
"Well," Billy says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with new found pride, "Billy, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Billy says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
LITTLE BILLY ON..... SEX ED
The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."
She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."
Little Billy jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."
"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Billy?" begged the teacher.
My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny., "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with."
You May Also Enjoy...
Stooopid People Jokes
Religion and Heaven & Hell Jokes
Sex & Relationships Jokes
Football & Sport Jokes
Laywer Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Pets & Animals Jokes
Yo Mama Jokes
Short Jokes
Other Funny Jokes
If you a know good joke or story, please post it on the Area 51 New Mexico Forum
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.