Links
(Too Much to Read in one go? Why not add this site to your Favourites?!)
Bumper Stickers
Hilarious Newspaper Headlines
Funny Ideas and Quotes
Creative Answer Machine Messages
Human Stoooopidity
Chinese Proverbs
Funny One Liners
Best Screenames
Famous Quotable Quotes
Pilot One liners
Inspirational Quotes
Tell a Friend about
www.area51newmexico.com!
Area 51 New Mexico Established August 18 2001. © Copyright H.E. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
Funny Ideas and Quotes
By James D, Rob S, Craig & Avril
If a quiz is called a quizzical, then what do you call a test?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If a pit bull humps your leg you'd better fake an orgasm.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right.
The easiest way to find something that's lost is to buy a replacement.
How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it's still there?
Why is there only one Monopolies commission?
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?'
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Why is a package transported in a car called shipment, but on a ship it's called cargo?
Why isn't phonetics spelt the way it sounds?
Why Didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why is dyslexia so hard to spell?
Why is Lisp spelt with an "S"?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its ass."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of Coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Stop singing and read on . . . .. . . .
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If Thomas Baker made bread, and John Carpenter built houses, what did John Hancock do?
The other day I was wondering, "why does a frisbee get larger the closer it gets to you?"
and then it hit me.
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.