Area 51-A Visitors guide to 'ull

 



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Area 51 New Mexico Established August 18 2001. © Copyright H.E. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.

A Visitors guide to 'ull (England)

Handy hints to stay alive in Hull *DISCLAIMER* We do not accept responsability for those stupid people who decide to go to Hull and not follow these rules.

1) First of all, you must learn how to pronounce the name of the city. Its 'ull' (to rhyme with 'dull'). Remember the letter 'h' at the beginning of a word, is never pronounced under any circumstance

2) Next, learn how to dress to fit in. Important- anyone who breaks the sacred rule number 2 is immediately hunted down like a dog. Sports clothing, fake gold rings, smelling like an ashtray is all part of the 'cool' look. These People are traditionally known as 'Townies', this name has now been replaced with the charming name of "Chav"

3) Spitting is a healthy part of everyday life.

4) It's a not medical condition- it's cool to walk that way.

5) Ull is, without question, the centre of the universe. Do NOT question it.

6) Originality is not encouraged nor is it advised.

7) When visiting north Ull, Never leave your car unattended.

8) There is a special prize if you find a 12 year old virgin.

9) Don't worry, when someone asks you- 'you wanna fight?' don't be scared. They are mealy making friends with you. But to be on the safe side- run like shit off a stick!

10) It's customarily to shoplift a souvinir.

11) We are proud of the fact that 'ull has been voted the worst city to live in the whole of UK

Hull to English Translations

To pronounce these words correctly, first of all try to move your mouth as little as possible and try to act like you have just had a labotamy and you will have no problems. Never pronounce your H's amd every sentence ends with the stoneaged grunt "uuuhhhh". Remember these people have barely evolved since the caveman days but we call them "townies" the letters that are written in capital letters you emphasise the other letters you mumble.

WOt U mEaN U DOn SmOOke? You are a geek and you will never be popular.

GiMmEe A FAG Can I have a ciggarette please?

U DoIN mE ea DIN You are annoying me

AM GoNNA BbRA YA I am going to beat you up

U GoNAm EAuS Do you want to come to my house?

GoNE ChewE? Please can i have some chewing gum I do not want my mum to find out that I smoke

CANA YLEND A FaivA? Give me five pounds or I will use the little brain I have to hurt you

FerN CuRlZ- Phone Calls

NuGGIt Idiot

MupPIt Geek

RanC That is disgusting

MinGIN Rubbish

CaWLD cold

JOe Taxi

esasounDKiDeiS He is a nice boy, isnt he?

Fanx You have stolen my wallet, how awkward and inconvieninet

U CuM IN Ta MeiN lAeR Do you want to come to my house later?

OOhmIgoD RUSTILLAVErGiN? So where are you from?

WO U FUCKIN LUCIN A? Do you want to be my friend?

did yer GeRa Fwi er? Did you kiss her?

Good Things of Note About 'Ull

As the majority of Ull is below sea level, If the Ice Caps melt we are the first to drown.

'Ull is full of 'istory, in fact, many buildings which were bombed during the war still lay in ruins

We have the world smallest stain glass window!

The Humber Bridge is the 2nd largest Suspension bridge (bloody Japs copying us!) in the whole wide world, which links 'ull to the rest of civilisation (Linconshire), which, in fact, is not actually in ull, it's just near it.

Ull is the only city in Britain to have white telephone boxes.

'ull is home to the world's only submarium, The Deep

Europe's largest travelling fair is based in Ull

In the book by Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe departed from the port of Hull

Hull is said to have been the starting point of the English Civil War in 1642

Hull native William Wilberforce helped abolish the slave trade in England

Ways to escape 'ull

The Ports- Good excess to mainland Europe via Rotterdam or Zeeburger, onboard a beautiful new ferry with great entertainment and dazzling nightlife. (PS. Ships are good place to meet new friends). Ask a travel agent for details.

Bus Station- It may look like a dump and it is a death-trap, but it may be your savouir out of this rancid hell-hole. Buses leave to mainland England regularly. See timetable for details

Train Station- Also a total dump but its safer than the bus! See timetable for details

Roads- M62 which goes to the West.

Interesting Places to Visit in 'ull

(PS there are a few 'Normal' people in Hull, but we have been forced into hiding by the 'Townies'. We lurk in cyber-space where it safe to join the rest of society without fear of being harmed. SAVE US! Help us reclaim the streets for the norm!)

Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.