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Area 51 New Mexico Established August 18 2001. © Copyright H.E. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
How To Tell if You're a Die Hard Sci-fi Geek?
By Matt
1. Obviously you have a collection of every episode of TV shows taped, that where set in space, and every movie you own starts with the word "Star" in the title of it.
2. You can name every character, episode, director, and producer, right down to the dolly grip of all your geeky movies.
3. You've taken the step of naming your pet that one step just too far, it's ok to name it, maybe, Mr Spock, or Chewy, but calling out to your pet named "Death Star" is going a little beyond obsessiveness.
4. Your not only the first to line up weeks in advance for the first screening of the latest star wars, your also the first person to line up for weeks out the front of George Lucas's ranch to tell him about all the flaws in his latest instalment, and let him know that you know more about the Star Wars universe then he does.
5. You get online to argue whether Captain Kirk could kick Captain Picard's ass in a game of chess.
6. Your ideal date is not to actually meet one of the femmenoids off your favourite. TV show, but to create one in your own laboratory.
7. When you're in chat rooms, you only have cyber sex with 3-breasted Ewok's.
8. According to your calculations, Stargate is not theoretically possible, however, you have no problem with the fact that many of your favourite movies involve spaceships travelling faster then the speed of light.
9. Instead of pinup models on your wall, you have a picture of George Lucas, and 1001 reasons why Star Trek does not compare to Star Wars. Or Vice Versa.
10. You have written a movie script for a 50 hour movie that you have written to combine Star Wars, Star Trek, Star Gate, 2001 Space Odyssey, Babylon 5, Dr. Who, Galactica, and every other movie with a sci-fi theme, all wrapped up into one movie, and not only have you combined all themes, you have brought back every single character you know of, requiring a cast of over a billion, but you figure that ILM would put that many un needed CGI-SFX into a new age, over rated, CGI, crap movie anyway.
11. You completely understand the Matrix movies plots, and enjoyed the films.
12. You get funny looks when you're on websites devoted to pictures of gay storm troopers, lesbian Wookies, horny droid's, or you prefer cartoon/CGI characters over the real thing.
13. You cannot get off with another person unless they are telling you to use the force.
14. You draw and design spaceships, and you always have secret sex compartments hidden into them, as if you would ever have anyone in them but yourself even if you could build it. Plus you have approached several major automobile companies to try and get your project off the ground.
15. You always feel superior to people who haven't seen episode 74 of Deep Space 9, yet you forget it's usually the dumb guy who doesn't know anything about science who saves the brainiacs in every sci-fi movie.
16. You don't just go to dress up parties or conventions dressed as your favourite sci-fi character, nor do you not only re-in act scenes, but you film it, and broadcast it on the net hoping George Lucas will see it and put you in his next movie. 17. You take high offence to people confusing Star Trek with Star wars.
18. You feel lonely without your computer, and depressed when you're not within 30 feet of it, or your video collections of sci-fi movies.
19. You burn all your meals because you keep mistakenly putting in co-ordinance numbers into the microwave instead of actual earth time.
20. You believe that on the 7th day George Lucas created man.
21. You can actually explain why mainframes don't relatively exist.
22. You think it will impress chicks to tell them your working on a non cryogenically date base analyses system 5.1, with the 155 megabytes of extra ram to co-ordinate the perfect resolution and pixel state to generate the 1.21 gig watts of thorpedionixiode needed to pull the gravitational pull of the atmospheric rate. Then carry the one to make it into a thermo nutrient capable of sending out proton torpedoes over a radius of ninety one point five seven disciples in 3 mille-seconds to move the bishop to the left.
23. You have already worked out exactly in every detail how what i said above is not possible, and where I went wrong...
24. You refer to evil as "the dark side"
25. You're able to convince you're dressed up as Princess Layer hooker, that your premature ejaculation is not embarrassing, because on planet Krypton you would have lasted .848085th of a second longer then the record holder of the man who has held out for the longest before coming.
26. You don't masturbate because you feel all your seaman might be beamed up a-board a mother ship and used to create clones to attack earth with, made by "the dark side", and you have a terrible fear that the good aliens wont be here in time to help the planet.
27. You have a website devoted to where every star wars merchandise or reference has been mentioned or shown in every TV series and movie ever.
28. You refer to you penis as a phaser.
29. You play drinking games where you drink a shot of lemonade to every time you hear the number to the equasion you just gave in the language of Klinggon.
30. You host Dungeons and Dragons meetings in your parents' basement.
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.