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Area 51 New Mexico Established August 18 2001. © Copyright H.E. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
SMS Jokes
Some funny jokes I have received via text message...... send some to your mates to cheer up their day!
Mr & Mrs Blobby are in bed, Mrs Blobby says "blib blob bobble blub bibby bob blubby blib". Mr Blooby says "Just fucking swallow it"
A woman goes to the doctors complaining that every time she takes her bra off a black man sticks his head out from between her tits, pulling a funny face & blowing raspberries. So the doctor takes a look "Ah I know what's wrong with you" he replies "you've had sillycoon implants"
Two junkies inject curry instead of heroin... one ended up with a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.
Man has a £50 note tattooed on his cock. his wife says "why have you done that?" He replies "Firstly, i like to see my money grow. Secondly. I like to play with my money. Thirdly I like having money in my hand but last but not least next time you want to blow fifty quid you can stay at home to do it".
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights (pantyhose)? 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares, the occasional cock and 1 dead fish that no one can find.
A woman in a coma receives a sponge bath from the nurse. The nurse notices that when she washes her privates, the woman shows some movement. The nurse tells the woman's husband and suggests that oral sex might help her to wake up. He agrees. 2 minutes later the woman is dead and the nurse asks "how the hell did she die?", the man replies "i dunno, I think she choked".
You can now play hangman via text. I'll help you with the first one - S_DD_M
A boy says to his mum "I've got the biggest cock in the nurser, is it because I'm black?" "No" she replies, "It's because you are 25 and a fucking retard"
Man goes to the docs for a cock extension. Doc suggest a baby elephants truck stitched on for £3,000. Man agrees 6 weeks later while having dinner with a new girlfriend, he feels the unusual stirring in hios pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his penis flies out ans steals a bread bun off teh table and goe sback. "wow" she says "can you do that again?" He says "my cock can but I don't think my arse can take another bun"
Three naked men in a sauna; an American, a Japanese and an Irish man. they heard a beeping sound. The AMerican touches his arm and says "that's my pager, I have a microchip under my skin." Next a phone rings and the Japnese lifts his palm to his ear hesays "I hace a mircochip in my hand." The Irishman feeling very low tech, went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse. He says "jesus would you look at that I'm getting a fax"
The labour party have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accurarely reflects the labour governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while are actually being fucked
Two Irish couples decided to spice up their sex life, so they decided to swap partners. Paddy says to Murphy "that was great, wonder how the girls got on?"
"Bloody hell!! Just met your double, no joke. I swear I thought it was you. I even shouted your name but it just carried on scratching its area and eating bananas"
An refugee is given a council house and goes out to find some English to thank for their generosity. Six hours lter he's back telling his neighbour he met people from 83 countries but not 1 Brit "oh you won't see any of them" says the Asian next door "those daft bastards will all be at work"
A man had 2 show his grey chest hair to prove he could get his pension. His wife said, "you should have shown your cock, we could have got disability aswell
An eskimo was on holiday in wales. His car breaks down. A Welshman looks under the bonnet and says "you've blown a seal", the Eskimo replies, "so what, you fuck sheep"
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.