Links
(Too Much to Read in one go? Why not add this site to your Favourites?!)
Barbies that Never Made it
Mental Health Hotline
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
An All Purpose Letter of Apology
Contract of Employment
New Slang Dictionary 2004
New Slang 2005
Children of the 80's
Mind Benders
Snappy Answers
The Wonderful, mindbending English Language
Rude Greetings Cards
Celebrity Virus's
Cats Rules of Life
Figure Out Your Star Wars Name...
How moral are you? A Test...
Test you Ethics...
21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas
Family Fortunes
Hell Freezing Over
Do you have a dirty mind?
If you a know good joke or story, please post it on the Area 51 New Mexico Forum
Tell a Friend about
www.area51newmexico.com!
Area 51 New Mexico Established August 18 2001. © Copyright H.E. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
Snappy Answers
Emailed by Stanley and John
1) A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
2) A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
3) The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
4) A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
5) A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "Fuck you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
Or how about, simply "Up yours!"
And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....
6) A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Also, by John and Friends....
Q1: You think I was born yesterday?
A1: Happy Birthday!
Q2: I know you are, but what am I?
A1: A bumbling idiotic moron who has no response to an insult but "I know you are but what am I."
A2: Michael Jackson.
Q3: (When a teacher says) I'm sorry, am I interrupting your discussion?
A1: Yes, in fact we were having a very intellectual conversation, not that you would know what one is, and you interuppted us with your boring lecture.
Q4: What are you doing?
A1: (Taken from my favorite Burger King commercial) What are you doing?
A2: What do you think I'm doing.
Q5:Earth to (your name)
A:Mars to Earth
Q6:What's up?
A:My middle finger bitch
Q7:You know what's funny/You know what? etc.
A1:No but I'm sure you're gonna tell me.
A2:My face?
Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.